losangelesi

I fund my own helicopter for the ER, I hire the most expert former special forces pilot decorated with more medals and flown more combat missions than anyone else with a tinge of PTSD at the small salary of 250k a year + bonus per flight, and his co pilot buddy for the same. good deal. I also buy us a decked out brand new rescue blackhawk in all black with a reflective black "St. Gardena Aeromedical" with a black reflective punisher skull on the tail. I also fund us the giant helipad on the ground and take out a chunk of the beautiful scenery with security for the helipad, and get the best construction companies to come in from around the world. and tell them I'll pay them bonus to finish it sooner.

I see bling bling running so I drive after him to try to pick him up because i need my beer deliveries to keep my emporium running. I yell out the window "SEE YA LATER, COME BY AND SEE ME!"

Bling bling hop out da trunk, i know dere a krak house round here. i see dat kop is busy, so i score me some krak. I SMOKE THAT BIG OLL KRAK ROK AND RUN AROUND THE SCENE "WEE WOO WEE WOOO BLING BLING ON SCENE" I DEN NOTIS DAT KOP LOOKIN AT ME FUNNY, SO I AKT FUNNY AND RUN AWAY YELLING "WEE WOO WEE WOO"

I roll up somehow to this call listening to the scanner the commissioner gave me to come back with bling bling in the trunk. I roll up on the mugging, pull out my bag of columbian bam bam, do a few lines off the back of the trunk of the police car, walk up to the ambulance, "Hey buddys, you need any help here? Hero Frank Garcia here, legendary firefighter paramedic" wearing my sleek sunglasses.. I look at the patient "hey, you can get these sunglasses at franks emporium and FULL LIQUOR BAR for about tree fiddy to cover up your black eyes buddy" I then get back in my car and don't hear bling bling in the trunk

"Hey, who are you? I didn't hear a report on this, what is this?" I look at them and immediately think anaphylaxis. "Did you even give him anything????" they give me the report that they gave epi and oxygen. "WHY DIDN'T YOU GIVE HIM BENADRYL??????????" I send him to resuscitation room 1. I immediately order 0.1 mg epi 1:10,000 iv, 50 mg benadryl, I listen to his lungs and I hear no air movement in the lowers and diminished wheezing in the upper, pulse ox of 80. I also order up succinylcholine and etomidate, and start fluid resuscitation. I also have the nurses bring in an intubation kit just encase there's no improvement in the next few minutes. I have the rt push the succs + etomidate, successfully intubate, and the patients sats and vital signs start to rise. I call for an ICU room, and have the RT and nurses monitor him and update me on status changes. I call their dispatch. "HEY, YOUR MEDICS ALMOST KILLED MY PATIENT AND DIDN'T GET ME A REPORT. THEY COULD'VE LOOKED IN THE PROTOCOL BOOK OR GOOGLED IT IF THEY NEEDED IT. I AM DR. BAE, NEVER FORGET MY NAME"

bling bling bringin dat delivury, stole all the popov i could cause frank sais he got me some crak. I bring in all deez bottlez in mah shoppin kart, i tri to roll it in dah front door and frank yellz "TAKE THAT THROUGH THE BACK BLING BLING YOU STUPID ASS CRACKHEAD". he rite, i luv me some crak. so i wok it round the bak. he opens dah door, takes the popov, givez me a botl and som crak. i run like it krismas. caus it like krismas for bling bling

Welcome back to franks emporium, I've redecorated with stripper poles and and a FULL LIQUOR BAR baby, I've got popov, i've got natty ice on tap, rolling rock, and coors lite. the girls (and guys, i don't judge cause i'm on way too many drugs to care now) keep the party going. hired them from the local trailer park for $5 under minimum wage. good deal to me! SO COME ON IN TO FRANKS EMPORIUM AND FULL LIQUOR BAR

I come walking in the restaurant, I need my orange chicken fix before another coke binge. I see the wee woo box sitting outside and have flashbacks. or maybe thats the drugs. anyways, back to the orange chicken. Guy on the phone is yelling on the phone about shitty chicken or something. I see some dude with a puffy face, i don't care, I'm not a medic anymore, I run the best strip.. i mean beer joint in town. I see these 2 ems homies, I think I remember one cause' i tried to hit on her, but she wasn't down with the Frank. I keep my sunglasses on and walk by them "OH HERRO PREASE, TANK YOU FOR YOUR SERVICE MODDA ASSHORES" i think i nailed that chinese accent. so i go up to the counter totally ignoring the medical emergency. "HEY MODDA ASSHORE, GET OFF PHONE, I NEED ORANGE CHICKEN NAO, I YOUR BEST CUSTOMER, YOU SERVE ME, NOT DEM OR I CARR CHAIRMAN MAO" i realize i'm starting to trip from the amount of coke i totally forgot i did off my dashboard. Good thing i'm part chinese. i think.

"THIS IS DR BAE, I HEAR YOU HAVE A MEDICAL EMERGENCY, I KNOW YOU PROBABLY HAVEN'T DONE MUCH BECAUSE YOU'RE NOT DOCTORS LIKE ME, I HOPE YOU CAN HEAR ME. WE ARE OPEN TO RECEIVE EVEN THOUGH YOU DIDN'T HAIL ME. YES, I DO HAVE A SCANNER BECAUSE ONE OF MY RICKY RESCUE STUPID TECHS WANTS TO BE A HOSE JOCKEY. SAINT GARDENA CLEAR" I let go of the mic and keel over laughing.

I walk around the ER looking at the transients in the waiting room next to people that could be actually be more sick. But then I remember its my lunch break. So, I walk into the waiting room and ask "hey, who wants a sandwich?" all of the transients raise their hand. "GET OUT OF MY ER, YOU HAVE NO MEDICAL COMPLAINT. LEAVE OR I'LL HAVE EVERY OFFICER IN TOWN COME AND TAKE YOU OUT FOR ABUSE OF THE SYSTEM YOU TRASHCANS". I then look at the normal people. "we'll be with you shortly, especially now that the system abusers are out. I'll have house keeping bring air freshener, clean it up out here and if you need anything please just ask." I walk back into the doctors lounge and grab my turkey blt.

We finally arrive in our behemoth of a rig. Its funny. I just talked to Grant on the phone and had to hang up because of this. We come in, I go ahead and tell them what i have ""Hey, unknown age male unresponsive with multiple arrests post traffic collision we have a pressure of 90/42, satting 92% on a vent, pulse 144 with pvcs, bilateral chest tubes, txa on board, central line established and a bloody mess of bandages and tourniquets, billateral leg amputation and a lot of fractures, we don't have the equipment for that." I follow the team into the room.

"OH HEY BROS, WHATS UP! COME ON INTO THIS ROOM RIGHT OVERRRRRRRRrrrrr........" They wheel closer and i see this horrendous mess of a person. "Are you sure its alive? You sure?" I forgot that I am a level 4 trauma physician. I tell my nurses to get vitals. I 100% ignore EMS's report and scribble on their signature box. The nurses are doing what they can. So I go back to my desk, pop some confidence pills, go back in the room, see that he has a pulse. "Let's get x-rays, a chest tube kit, central line kit, get all the o neg you can, TXA, and an ALS transfer to Shiloh County" My nurse yells out he has a pressure of 68/30, pulse 140 sinus tach with occasional runs of trigeminy. I actually remember this part I think to myself... because it was like, the best part. The only cool thing I get to do i think to myself. I crack the ribs, insert bilateral chest rubes, hemo-pneumos. Aight. I set the tubes, my nurses give txa in hopes that we can force the clotting cascade. We lose pulses, v tach, 1 shock no cpr converts him back to sinus tach 140 with PVCs. I look to my RT, "how you doing with the airway? As I ask that I see a bunch of blood in the suction. "Airways all sorts of bad" RT says. I make my way up. Damn. It looks like spaghetti sauce. I have another nurse run for a cric kit and they bring back a surgeon from upstairs with the cric kit. "Dr Bae! You actually did something!!!!" The surgeon says. "Uuuhhh. Yeah. Can you try to cric him while I get him ready John?" John performs the Cric while I establish a central line. I have the nurses continue to stabilize the patient as best as our trashspital can. A nurse yells, "ALS WILL BE HERE IN 5." I talk to John. "Hey, can you manage here for a bit? I'm going to take some nurses and ride in with them to the other hospital." "Yeahhh no worries, good to see you actually did something for once!!! 😂😂" he laughs, I know he's serious and joking at the same time, but its a compliment and he gives me a hug. This massive brand new international cab CCT ambulance pulls up code. Its red and white with a ton of lights on it, and a logo that says "AMBULNS." On the side. As the company name. Thats weird. They come in and I give them my report. "Hey, At this point we have a pressure of 90/42, satting 92% on a vent, pulse 144 with pvcs, bilateral chest tubes, txa on board, central line established and a bloody mess of bandages and tourniquets, we also have a team to ride with you. Let's send it!" We get him loaded up, fortunately he's light. We all hop in, there's my nurse, me, their nurse, a medic, and another medic driving this giant thing, and we're all cozy on our ride over with our ground beef friend.

I call the hospital. "HEY BROS! JUST CALLIN TO SEE HOW MY DUDES DOIN! THANKS FOR TAKING HIM HOMIES!" Is what I try to say as I'm eating a donut. I finally swallow it after the operator says she can't understand me for the tenth time. I wash it down with some fresh, delicious grumbo coffee, this delicious flavor is called Wazorp. Bought it on line from some dude who said he's a scientist. It's pretty lit. Anyways. "Heyyyyy, I need to talk to my bro Chris Grant. If you could just put him on."

I look out the front of my glorious ER. I think to myself. Today is going to be a great day. Not even 2 seconds after that thought a transient tries to open the ambulance door. Security pulls him back and fights him, he's a combative dude. He finally gives up and says he wants to go to the hopspital. I get the biggest smile on my face "YES! COME IN FELLOW HUMAN, HOW CAN WE HELP YOU?" as security is holding him. He says he wants help cause he has the pains. "OH, YESSS SIRR. LET ME HELP YOU WITH THAT." They put him on the bed, i have the security restrain him. He says what the f, he has rights. I laugh, ask him ao questions and he gets antsy, so I rsi him and get him set to the back corner of our ICU. I whisper to him "thats your pain medication ✌" Then I think to myself. Should I transfer him out? Decide yes. Call the ALS IFT. "Hey, uhhh. I need this guy transferred out to uhhh... Shiloh County Medical Center. He's tubed and uhhh. Yeah." I kneel down and karate punch the air after my successful work. Just like a doctor on my favorite TV show.

I walk in and grab the PA loudspeaker. It actually turns out its the station radio so the entire county can hear. "Hey uh.. I got bad news everyone, I'm finally getting my dream job as a stripper, I start in like. an hour. so uh. No cake, gotta watch the carbs. Oh, Rodriguez is dead, uh. I went and saw him to say hi and uh. yeah. hospital staff didn't tell me. I thought he was like. resting. So we talked for like. 3 hour before a nurse came in.. anyways... If you need someone to talk to,lap dance, or both, just come on by. I'll also be bar tending, first drinks on me. Oh, uh, that other dude will come in later to tell you he got a transfer, i snuck on his email.. don't tell him. but uh. act surprised. Aight. Peace for now. I may be back. who knows. Big love" I walk out and put on my oakley blades, get in my clanky Fiero and take off listening to 80s beats

I walk into the bar and sit down, its a busy Friday night. My wife left me after my work incident, and my co workers don't like me. And there's one person who checks in on me. Weston. WESTON CALLS ME IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT SAYING "YOU CAN DO IT BROTHER" "FIREFIGHTERS FOR LIFE BROTHER" "LETS TOUCH TIPS BROTHER". he even said hed give me a brojob to cheer me up. nothing works. I down 5 beers sitting at the bar, then ask for the whole bottle of whiskey. I down the bottle in a few swigs, go to the bathroom and smoke a joint. It turns out I feel like I'm flying, I see dragons and unicorns, I go out of the bathrooms and see demons over the bar. I see the security guard and he looks like a demon monster to me. I fight him, he's twice my size easily. I fight him and I don't know whats happening. I grab a pool stick and start hitting him with it. The security guard has a gun and shoots me multiple times.

"Leave him. He'll be fine. He had a rough night"

I show up at his bachelor pad. He was.. really easy to find with the scooter. I knock on the door.

"RA 1 BACK IN SERVICE!" I come back over the radio. I put stupid ass Rodriguez in his gear and throw him in the seat. Good thing he didnt pee on my stuff, he peed on the explorer stuff from the program like. 10 years ago. We respond and arrive on scene. Rodriguez still out. I pull the gurney over and begin to assist.

I came into work plastered. My wife beat me up because I sold our boat to keep the house. And I had to come in and see weston again. I hear they cant send PD to get me. I start laughing as Weston is super angry. I flip him off and pee on his locker. Finally. Revenge. He grabbed me, manhandled me and I lose consciousness

"Uhhh.. County.. can we start pd to the station for a crew member of RA 1? RA1 out of service."

I send a subtle message. "HEY YOU LOOK LIKE THAT SCABS ACTOR WANNA GO OUT? 😉" I know hes a doctor and I'm fighting for independent practice rights. But I'll make an exception for this

I come over to Ewan after assisting with some other things. "Hey lil buddy, hows the leg? Did he give you some candy yet to make you feel better?" The patient doesnt hear me and is in pain. Uhh. Hey. "Well. how much of his leg is actually attached?"

Scrolling through book bookface I see someone that looks like they're off that tv show.. "SCABS" I think. I wonder if it really is him or if he just looks kinda close. I send a new acquaintance request anyways.

After a short amount of time in the bar, I realize I want to surf. I'm still getting weird looks. I pay everyone's tab and leave. Just as he goes outside, someone is smashing the window to his Lamborghini and security is running toward them. Just my sort of night. I call my mom and cry for a bit.