F. Garcia Posted January 15, 2020 Share Posted January 15, 2020 Welcome to Franks Emporium!!!! We sell.. well.. Stuff. I'm not really sure, I don't do the ordering. Quote Firefighter Paramedic Frank Garcia Squad 1 Shiloh County Fire Department Badge 1122 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Steve Bae Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 I come into this weird ghetto looking store. There's some guy with a mullet and an extra shmedium shirt showing off his arnold shwartzenegger arms. He says "Hey, I'm Frank. What you lookin for?" I literally have no idea what this shop has. So I ask. "Well, whats good?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F. Garcia Posted January 16, 2020 Author Share Posted January 16, 2020 "I have no idea, I don't do the ordering!" Quote Firefighter Paramedic Frank Garcia Squad 1 Shiloh County Fire Department Badge 1122 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. "Big Jim" Kowalski Posted February 28, 2020 Share Posted February 28, 2020 (edited) *I waddle into the store and see it’s filled with the most random assortment of items I’ve ever seen in my life. A sign hanging overhead reads: “Free instant refund with purchase of any item” I look at it confused, then proceed to look through the unorganized mess of items. ‘Uh, excuse me’ I say out of breath waving to the employee. He has a glorious well-oiled mullet, sunglasses, and an extra-medium muscle shirt with the outline of a stripper going spread eagle while hanging from a pole. The shirt says “Hong Kong” in big letter above the outline, and “Raw Dog Squad” below the outline. The man comes over too me. He looks like the guy on those late night public access TV commercials. ’Excuse me. How much for this “half eaten PayDay candy bar found in Rosie O’Donnells left bra”?’ I ask pointing to the crushed and melted peanut and caramel bar that’s obviously been half eaten. Edited February 28, 2020 by Chris07 Quote James "Big Jim" Kowalski Dispatcher Shiloh County ERT Communications Badge 2098 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F. Garcia Posted February 29, 2020 Author Share Posted February 29, 2020 (edited) "Can you confirm it was Rosie? I need photogra.. wait up. let me see that." Big Jim signs paperwork authorizing my check of this. *I pull out my lab kit. I take a swab off the top for cultures. We know Rosie has a rare strain of MRSA that you don't see visibly, but is just as repulsing. I also biopsy a piece of the bar for dna sampling. I then label and bag it and send it to the lab. I then proceed to smell it. I think back. Its a similar scent. but not quite the same to the Rosie musk.* *I lock the door.* "You're in here with me until the sample arrives. we can leave for work, but you must report back if you want to make this sale." *I open my fridge full of beer.* "Want one?" within 3 hours we get an email. Oh god. This has been in Jeffree Star's ass. It's half eaten alright. In the wrong direction. "I will give you.. Oh wait. You owe me... $245 in lab fees. I can give you $3 and a selection of any 1 item under $5 I can I will immediately take back and you can do this all the way up to the lab fee. Or we quadruple or nothing. You pick 4 items under $10, you win 3 straight rounds of Rock paper scissors and we move onto a 10 hour COD marathon. On my account of course, I need the levels. Then, we run a quarter marathon. Most total wins will win the prize. If you win, I'll give you $12 for the candy bar and a high five. I win you owe me $980. Plus my $20 appearance fee. You owe me $1,000 if you lose. Seems fair, right?" "Oh. Wait. You can have it for free. Wait. Here's $5. My bad." I then I do a huge line of coke off the counter Edited February 29, 2020 by losangelesi Quote Firefighter Paramedic Frank Garcia Squad 1 Shiloh County Fire Department Badge 1122 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
J. "Big Jim" Kowalski Posted March 2, 2020 Share Posted March 2, 2020 *I take the $5 dollars and the half eaten candy bar. I have no idea what the hell he just said.* I stick the candy bar in my mouth as as he takes a bump of coke. This dude is nuts, but goddamn does he have some good deals. I'm late for my appointment at the cookie dough factory, so I waddle my way out of the store. I'll be back. I think I saw a pile of XXXXL unwashed pre-owned bikini thongs near the back. Quote James "Big Jim" Kowalski Dispatcher Shiloh County ERT Communications Badge 2098 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
F. Garcia Posted July 13, 2020 Author Share Posted July 13, 2020 Welcome back to franks emporium, I've redecorated with stripper poles and and a FULL LIQUOR BAR baby, I've got popov, i've got natty ice on tap, rolling rock, and coors lite. the girls (and guys, i don't judge cause i'm on way too many drugs to care now) keep the party going. hired them from the local trailer park for $5 under minimum wage. good deal to me! SO COME ON IN TO FRANKS EMPORIUM AND FULL LIQUOR BAR Quote Firefighter Paramedic Frank Garcia Squad 1 Shiloh County Fire Department Badge 1122 Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bling Bling Posted July 13, 2020 Author Share Posted July 13, 2020 bling bling bringin dat delivury, stole all the popov i could cause frank sais he got me some crak. I bring in all deez bottlez in mah shoppin kart, i tri to roll it in dah front door and frank yellz "TAKE THAT THROUGH THE BACK BLING BLING YOU STUPID ASS CRACKHEAD". he rite, i luv me some crak. so i wok it round the bak. he opens dah door, takes the popov, givez me a botl and som crak. i run like it krismas. caus it like krismas for bling bling Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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